As parents, it is always important to remember that when it comes to our children, that we NEED to be on the same team, and that we need to let go of certain ideas and expectations. It is always about what is best for our child and not ourselves. Even if we have different parenting styles, we are both working towards the same goal: raising happy and healthy children.
When we disagree on how to raise our children, it is important to stay calm and respectful of each other. Remember that, even if it looks differently to your way of expressing love, (generally) you both love your children equally and want what is best for them. But because we are different people, come from different backgrounds and have different types of relationships and expectations of our children, we will not always see eye to eye when it comes to raising our children.
Here are a
few tips that have helped me and my hubby through the years - and we still forget
sometimes, but we keep working on it. Keep these in mind when having
disagreements.
It is important
to talk it out privately. We need to avoid discussing parenting
disagreements in front of our children. This can be confusing and upsetting for
them. Instead, find a time to talk privately and calmly about any concerns. Listen
to each other's perspectives. We must try to see things from our partner's
point of view, as well. Why do they feel the way they do? What are their
concerns? And then be willing to compromise. We may not be able to agree
on everything, but we should be willing to find a middle ground. This may mean
meeting each other halfway or agreeing to disagree on certain issues.
Something
that has been a great help for us as a couple and parents, is to have regular
parenting meetings (when we are in a good space). We use this as a time to
discuss our children's progress, any challenges we are facing, and our plans
for their future. It makes a huge difference to have these discussions before
any conflict happens, because then we already have voiced our expectations and
tend to handle any conflict regarding our children better.
Communicate openly and honestly. This means talking about our parenting philosophies,
expectations, and concerns. It also means being willing to listen to our
partner's point of view, even if you disagree. Be supportive of each
other. This means having each other's backs, even when you make mistakes.
It also means being willing to help when your partner needs it or even when you
are mad each other. Be consistent. Our children need to know what
to expect from us as parents. When we as parents are on the same page, it makes
it easier to set boundaries.
Find a common ground and let that be the focus. What do we agree on when it comes to raising
our children? What are our shared values? Focus on these things when resolving
disagreements. Be patient and understanding with each other. It may take
some time to find solutions that work for both parents and children. Be patient
with each other and be willing to try new ideas and ways.
When we divide
and conquer, we become a team. Parenting can be a lot of work, so it's
important to divide the tasks and responsibilities fairly. This could mean
taking turns with childcare, housework, or errands. It also helps to cut down
on resentment between us as parents.
But most
important, make time for each other. It's important to remember that we are
a couple first and parents second. Make time for regular date nights or other
activities that we enjoy together. This will help us to stay connected and
supportive of each other.
ALWAYS present
a united front. Even if we disagree on some things, it is important to
present a united front to our children. This means avoiding criticizing each
other's parenting decisions in front of our children, whether they are toddlers
or teens.
Many couples disagree on how to raise their
children. Parenting is hard. Don’t give up on yourselves or each other. If you
are struggling to resolve your disagreements on your own, consider seeking
professional help from a therapist or counsellor. They will be able help you to
communicate more effectively and find solutions that work for both of you.
Remember, it’s not about us. It is about what is best for our children.
Parenting can be challenging, but it's also one of
the most rewarding experiences in life. By working together as a team, we as
parents can create a loving and supportive environment for our children to
thrive.
Side note: If you are in a
relationship with an abusive parent, it is important to remember that you are
not alone. There are people who can help you and your children.
Childline South
Africa, a 24-hour free helpline for reporting and
counselling: 0800 055 555.
Childhelp USA: 1-800-422-4453
116 111 Helpline
for children (Most European countries)
Others: Child protection
| UNICEF East Asia and Pacific
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