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Sunday 1 October 2023




As parents, it is always important to remember that when it comes to our children, that we NEED to be on the same team, and that we need to let go of certain ideas and expectations. It is always about what is best for our child and not ourselves. Even if we have different parenting styles, we are both working towards the same goal: raising happy and healthy children.

When we disagree on how to raise our children, it is important to stay calm and respectful of each other. Remember that, even if it looks differently to your way of expressing love, (generally) you both love your children equally and want what is best for them. But because we are different people, come from different backgrounds and have different types of relationships and expectations of our children, we will not always see eye to eye when it comes to raising our children.

Here are a few tips that have helped me and my hubby through the years - and we still forget sometimes, but we keep working on it. Keep these in mind when having disagreements.

It is important to talk it out privately. We need to avoid discussing parenting disagreements in front of our children. This can be confusing and upsetting for them. Instead, find a time to talk privately and calmly about any concerns. Listen to each other's perspectives. We must try to see things from our partner's point of view, as well. Why do they feel the way they do? What are their concerns? And then be willing to compromise. We may not be able to agree on everything, but we should be willing to find a middle ground. This may mean meeting each other halfway or agreeing to disagree on certain issues.

Something that has been a great help for us as a couple and parents, is to have regular parenting meetings (when we are in a good space). We use this as a time to discuss our children's progress, any challenges we are facing, and our plans for their future. It makes a huge difference to have these discussions before any conflict happens, because then we already have voiced our expectations and tend to handle any conflict regarding our children better.

Communicate openly and honestly. This means talking about our parenting philosophies, expectations, and concerns. It also means being willing to listen to our partner's point of view, even if you disagree. Be supportive of each other. This means having each other's backs, even when you make mistakes. It also means being willing to help when your partner needs it or even when you are mad each other. Be consistent. Our children need to know what to expect from us as parents. When we as parents are on the same page, it makes it easier to set boundaries.

Find a common ground and let that be the focus. What do we agree on when it comes to raising our children? What are our shared values? Focus on these things when resolving disagreements. Be patient and understanding with each other. It may take some time to find solutions that work for both parents and children. Be patient with each other and be willing to try new ideas and ways.

When we divide and conquer, we become a team. Parenting can be a lot of work, so it's important to divide the tasks and responsibilities fairly. This could mean taking turns with childcare, housework, or errands. It also helps to cut down on resentment between us as parents.

But most important, make time for each other. It's important to remember that we are a couple first and parents second. Make time for regular date nights or other activities that we enjoy together. This will help us to stay connected and supportive of each other.

ALWAYS present a united front. Even if we disagree on some things, it is important to present a united front to our children. This means avoiding criticizing each other's parenting decisions in front of our children, whether they are toddlers or teens.

Many couples disagree on how to raise their children. Parenting is hard. Don’t give up on yourselves or each other. If you are struggling to resolve your disagreements on your own, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor. They will be able help you to communicate more effectively and find solutions that work for both of you. Remember, it’s not about us. It is about what is best for our children.

Parenting can be challenging, but it's also one of the most rewarding experiences in life. By working together as a team, we as parents can create a loving and supportive environment for our children to thrive. 



Side note: If you are in a relationship with an abusive parent, it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are people who can help you and your children.

Childline South Africa, a 24-hour free helpline for reporting and counselling: 0800 055 555.

Childhelp USA: 1-800-422-4453

116 111 Helpline for children (Most European countries)

Others:  Child protection | UNICEF East Asia and Pacific



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    As parents, it is always important to remember that when it comes to our children, that we NEED to be on the same team, and that we ...